The Green Man

 In the woods of Chelmsley, before the housing estate

The Celtic God Cernunnos resided in that place.

And in that wood my friends and I at the time of Halloween

Go among the silver birch to look for Jack-in-the-Green.

We knew he's hiding in there in full view but still unseen.

With Mab or Titania, or some other Fairy Queen.

Jack, links us to our pagan past a spirit of the ancient woods,

As old as time his dance of life the steps we'd follow, if we could.

Through the paths of wandering fern into groves of old oak trees,

Sunlight shining through the branches, a dazzling carpet of green leaves.

In there The Green Man concealed;    The moustachioed green eyed esprit............

The Pharaoh Rocher

 As I walked this morning with the smell of caramel lingering like the gentle mist of orange,

upon a Terry's all gold.

I went to see my confectioner for my Candy Bars and Smarties and he told me only sugar free

chocolate can be sold.

This I can't believe I said, I can't believe this trade is dead, you can not abandon tools like that,

your stainless bowls or silpat  mat.

Oh great father of the Hershey Bar ever since I was young I breast fed along with M&Ms Truffles'

and things that stained my tongue.

I lost some teeth to chewy treats, Lollipops and boiled sweets, acquired a taste of Nougat,

and some bonbons that are bittersweet.

And now you ask that I should watch no children's teeth to slowly rot, what kind of words

are these to hear from a chocolatier who the dentist fears....................

Now there seems no reason for me to carry on, in this land with no Woolworths for me

to buy Bonbons.

I'm lonely and it's quiet and the woke brigade is coming, so I think it's time to sling my hook

and cease my senseless moaning.

Soon I'll go to fairy dairyland where Toblerones are free, and Cadbury's Wispa Gold Bar

is only made for me.

Where a cascading fondue fountain is something to behold, and death to this old curmudgeon

comes,          with a vegan roll......................................

You Me and Him

       

 



Born within weeks of each other you me and him.

Played in the streets together you me and him.

First day at school together Miss Mavis our teacher name,

learnt the lessons of life together you me and him.

Ten years at school together you me and him.

Different friends we made together you me and him,

we all left school together had jobs not careers,

we went to the clubs together you me and him.

We all had girlfriends together you me and him,

you had the beautiful one fancied by me and him.

I got the clever one, him, the athlete.

A new future lay ahead for us. You me and him.

We've all grown old together you me and him.

We're in our declining years now you me and him.

One by one friends have gone,

we've had a good inning, so they say.

I wonder who'll be first to go. You me or...........him?

Dark Water

 

Out of my dream from dark water she comes bringing her light to lighten the day.

Morning light slowly brightens the room lazy thoughts lead my mind astray

from a half forgotten tune.

I think of you in your school girl garb with a satchel upon your back.

Riding the bus a tuppenny fare off to school without a care.

In my mind I see you there tall and thin with plaited hair.

Where was I, in life's morning march when mornings

were pearly pink.

Off to school to learn of things and write with pen and ink.

Vasco da Gama, the Cape of Good Hope, the history of Kings of old.

Assembly's held in the school hall with bible stories told.

In the darkest hour just before the dawn from dark waters 

comes the light, and my small world is reborn.

Where every day's always the same................but I am always different............ 

The Sopranos

  

The beast in me is caged by frail and fragile bars, restless by day and by night rants and rages at the stars God help the beast in me.

The beast in me has had to learn to live with pain and how to shelter from the rain and in the twinkling of an eye, might have to be restrained God help the beast in me.

Sometimes it tries to kid me that it's just a teddy bear and even somehow manage to vanish in 

the air, and that is when I must beware of the beast in me. That everybody knows, they've seen him out dressed in my clothes patently unclear if it's New York or New Year, God help the beast in me. 

Fag Ash Lil

 Eat your heart out Gavin Turk this is mine it's not your work.

As the snake oil salesman of a rotting apple, you think you're astute?

'Snake Oil' isn't as good as my 'Carved Fruit'.

And as for 'Dumb Candle', it's just a match on a broom handle.

And what's the point of the "Point at This', 'Touch your Nose' or 'Wet Lips'.

Is it to critics that you pamper, to scribble felt tip on recycled paper.

'A Manifesto' just chalk on plywood. It's misunderstood but still not good.

'Emission Edition' I understand, hope it turned out as you planned.

'Figure' is just a cast rusty nail it's time this work you did curtail.

The people who like it are Doo-lally, 'This is That'  and   'It's'    a load of !!!!!!

Google:    Snake Oil, Dumb Candle, Point at This, Touch your Nose, Wet Lips' A Manifesto, 

Emission Edition, Figure,  This is That,  and It's................................... 

Tea at the Ritz

 I would  loved to have tea at the Ritz.

When the twenties were roaring, the  'IT'  girls adoring,

and full of glamour and glitz.

In the Palm Court on a chaise lounge,

She drinks tea from a porcelain cup

Or an absinthe and gin highball

That serves as a pick-me-up.

With her hair cut in the 'shingle'

Kohl-rimmed eyes and painted lips,

Liberated from the restrictive corset

The world at her fingertips.

Now dressed in her Parisian frock,

She's ready to give life a whirl,

She's no Edwardian lady

She's not a Gibson girl.......

Bucket List

Grandad! She said, you should make a bucket list. I'll get the paper and pen, you sit there and think. I don't really see the point, but I'll have to give it a go.

The first bucket on my list is a stainless steel pail, the type you see inmates with when serving time in jail.

Next I'd have a sugar Bucket one that's made from wood, It's sometimes called a"firkin." I hope that's understood.

High density polyethylene plastic that's the bucket for me, yellow with black handle so it's easy to see.

A 19th century leather bucket used by the Fire Brigade, for victorian firefighters it was their stock-in-trade.

A white enamel bucket with it's lid, and a blue line around the rim, a wire handle and wooden grip makes it look so trim.

With FIRE painted on the front and a handle on it's base, this bucket comes with a bracket to keep it in its place.

A mop bucket that's  been galvanised that would be tip-top.  I only want the bucket you can keep the mop.

Not strictly buckets but I'll add them to my List.

The Lunch bucket from the U.S.A, But really it's just a tin

A watering can with a long spout and a fitted brass rose.

A coal scuttle shaped as a Stahlhelm, and that's it ..................I suppose.

Grandad that's not right, It's not buckets to collect. It's a list of things for you to do with memories to be kept. I have that list it's called "Sod That". I'll show it to you now.......

Climb to Mount Everest base camp..................................................Sod That.

Swim with dolphins..........................................................................Sod That.

Parachute jump..................................................................................Sod That.

Bungee jump.....................................................................................Sod That.

Whale watching................................................................................Sod That.

The Northern lights...........................................................................Sod Them.

To stand under a mountain waterfall.................................................You can really Sod That.

Leonardo da King Cole

Moaning Lisa, Moaning Lisa I have named you.

I can't paint the lady with the mystic smile.

From your eyes I can see that you blame me

for that Moaning Lisa strangeness in your smile.

Is it a look of contempt that you give me,

with angry eyes you know you broke my heart.

Many dreams I have brought to your doorstop,

they just lie there and they die there,

I will not give you eyebrows Moaning Lisa

I will leave you as a crappy work of art...................

 

The Big Lebowski

 Machine were mice and men were lion's once upon a time.

But now that it's the opposite It's twice upon a time.

I have trouble with my short term memory I may have said before.

My problem is my short term memory I forget things more and more.

I go into a room and wonder what I've come here for.

I have no short term memory I may have said before.

My memory is more long term now, where did those days  go?

Marleys on the way to school and football in the snow.

Street games. Camel-Fight, Kick-the-Can, Hot-rice.

And  nitty Nora the school nit nurse looking for head lice.

Bonfire night was just one night, one night in all the year.

Bangers and jumping Jacks and fires everywhere.

A smoke filled night, the sky orange bright, with laughter and joy.

November the fifth. Bonfire night was loved by every boy.

Sometimes when you're old you remember, and sometimes you forget.

The scent of something can haunt you, something to regret.

Somewhere over the next hill, the memory might come back.

A long life isn't always fair, but it's a lot fairer than death. 

All my own Work

 Jewels are baubles; 't is a sin to care for such unfruitful things;

One good-sized diamond in a pin some, not so large, in rings, 

A ruby, and a pearl or so, will do for me;-

I laugh at show.........

Saint Dymphna

 

Poor old Mont.                                                                                                                                           

He's in a boat that has no sail,                                                                                                                             cast adrift on a windless sea                                                                                                                                carried along on a current of fear                                                                                                                        bound for nowhere he wants to be.                                                                                                                    

He doesn't remember growing old                                                                                                                    he remembers being young.                                                                                                                              In a land that always seemed                                                                                                                            to be a summer's afternoon.

He's escaped into the darkness                                                                                                                            with a smile touched with sadness.                                                                                                                   He has not always been THIS man,

 he used to be another man.....................

Day Crashes into Night

 

As day and night come crashing in with no space between for a cock to crow.                                                

Night comes with his star's picking their way into the evening sky.

And soon the day shining her light and pushing the moon and sapphires away.                                             

Now there is no time between day and night from one to the other without twilight.                                     

Let the day and night come crashing in with no space for dusk or dawn.

Thank You Very Much

 

Thank you very much, thank you very much. That's the nicest sketch that anyone's ever done for me. You've give me nice green eyes, I never realised, that's the way you've always have thought of me.                And if I had me drum I'd do a drum roll, to show you I like what you have done. But as I've left me drum at home I simply have to say. Thank you very very very much. Thank you very very very much.

Thank you very much, thank you very much. That's the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me.You've put me on your blog and you've wrote this monologue, and you nearly draw a smile on my face for me. And if I had me bugle I would blow it to show you how happy I can be. But as I've left me bugle at home I simply have to say. Thank you very very very much, thank you very very very much.

Thank you very much, thank you very much. That's the nicest gift that anyone ever gave to me. I feel that we're a team, the best there's ever been, and everyone  is playing in the game for me. And if I had me whistle I would blow it as if I was a Celestial referee. But as I've left me whistle at home I simply have to say. Thank you very very very much, thank you very very very much...........................